Well, that’s it. We pulled the ripcord today and gave notice to our nanny. I’ll be giving notice next Friday and coming home full time, unless by some miracle someone offers me a job that either pays more or has better hours. I’ve been on the hunt since January and though there were a few offers, nothing any better than what I have. We held out at long as possible, but after E’s job change, we just can’t continue to afford child care and the taxes that go with it (not to mention our own taxes, which skyrocketed this year).

I wish I could say we did it quickly, like pulling a band-aid, but it was just so sad that it dragged out a bit. Our nanny, Bea, is seriously fantastic. She has been a lifesaver throughout the boys’ first year – even pretended that I was a sane new mom when I came to her with 10 different recommended meal and sleep schedules (tried every one of them with me too!). She helped us get them on ‘human food’ (via baby-led weaning), sang to them, talked to them all day, cooked for them, taught them to sit up, stand, crawl, cruise, dance, etc. I don’t think the boys would be as advanced (despite being two months preemie) if I was the one at home with them full-time from the start. As a new mom with zero previous experience, I hadn’t a clue what to do with them other than basic instructions from the doctor.

I’m still a bit afraid that they’ll grow up dumb because I’m the one who has to teach them (what in the world do I teach a one year old?!), but I’m getting a more confidant. One thing I realized is that by expanding on what we do over the weekends we’ll be just fine and have a lot of fun. Sure, there are still times when one or the other is screaming and I have no idea why, but those moments are growing few and far between.

So yes, this whole mothering multiples (or mothering in general) is sometimes scary, but I think I’m getting more excited about it. Recently the boys have turned into excited balls of fun! They laugh and play and learn things so quickly. We’re holding our bottles now, haven’t had jar food at all in over a month, sitting up on our own, Oliver is ‘cruising’, Eli is working on standing and their vocabulary (or babbulary, if you will) is growing daily.

As I dig around online, reading the ‘mommy’, DIY and food blogs I love, I realize that most, if not all, are stay-at-home-moms(or dads) and they wouldn’t be able to write as often if they weren’t so that’s another perk. Besides, I’ll never make it back to school for my MLS working 50 hr weeks for a company starving my brain.

Anyway, all this is to say that the change I originally feared is upon us and it turns out I’m not nearly as anxious as I thought. Dare I say it – I’m actually somewhat looking forward to seeing how this new chapter in my life pans out.

Penny for your thoughts?